Here’s the deal. This site is dedicated to finding children that are dumb, and then mocking them profusely. But we strive for accuracy here at LATDAK. There are going to be some jagoffs out there who are going to say “Oh, look how dumb that kid is, she kicked the ball in her own goal.”
Fuck that noise.
This kid just bicycle kickeda ball. She’s what? 4? 5? And she’s already Pele-ing like a mo’erfucker.
Which brings me to my point: look at this dumbass kid. If you have the the spirit of (yes, I know he’s not dead, shut up) O Rei do Futebol in your pre-K body, you don’t tend the fucking goal. You attack. You’ve got to be up front, driving the ball. Humility is nice and all, but you’ve gotta do what you can to win, and that means getting your humble little feet out of the goal and shoved up the ass off the opponents.
Hey kid. Hey. Kid. Kid. Let me let you in on a little secret. See that guy? He was paid to dress like that. I promise that the other 99% of people you see in that costume for the rest of your life will be fat/unwashed/socially awkward/some combination of the three. So what you need to do is quit acting like a little bitch, sack up, and hit that actor in the nuts with that sword. Can you do that? Or are you going to continue being one big ball of disappointment?
Look at this little dick. He brought a sand wedge to the putting green. Hey, Tiger! You can’t putt with a sand wedge.
ed note: Unless you open up the face and just blade the upper hemisphere of the golf ball so as to give it a lot of top spin, but I bet he doesn’t know that . Michelle Ow-wie there doesn’t even look like he knows how to dress himself. Really, red and green? What are you, the personification of Christmas?
Look at this dumbass kid. You think you’re some kind of adult because you got goo on your face? Let me tell you something, rook. The real world doesn’t look too kindly on goo-beards. A man’s gotta have a real beard with real hair, or at least some of that actin’ makeup you get when you take your Intro to Theatre class in college because you think it will make you more attractive to the ladies. It won’t.
Stupid kid. You don’t make signs. That’s not classy. What? Do you think she’ll be impressed by your handwriting because I assure you, the Palmer and/or Peterson Method never got anyone a glimpse at the sweater puppies. And, to be honest, your penmanship leaves much to be desired.
Learn calligraphy; maybe she’ll let you see some ankle.